If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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