you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
