I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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