Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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