I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
