Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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