me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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