he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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