Already got asked if we're dating
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
