My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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