I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
