Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
