You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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