alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
