apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
