i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
God, I missed his penis.
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