Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
