Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
