Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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