i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
