He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
