apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
