Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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