i need an iv and a liver transplant
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You ate ashes out of my bong
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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