my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
