Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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