last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I checked into jail on foursquare
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
