thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
