I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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