On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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