okay pat passed out under dana's car
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
