I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize