Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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