I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
