Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
