so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize