can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
