Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
