i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
