I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
