a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
What a dumb baby whore.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
