I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
