dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
