I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
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