Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
