im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
