On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
