Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
