Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
