Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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