You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
