Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
