I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just gift wrapped bread.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Pants are for mortals
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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