tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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