sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
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