He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Everything about him screamed your future.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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