I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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