I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
