Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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