Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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