I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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