I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
