I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
