I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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