K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
