Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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