I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Randomize
