so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I wear drunk well.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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