so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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