she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
