We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
