woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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