Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
