I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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