Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize