This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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